Nicole Kidman on Grieving the Deaths of Her Parents While Raising Young Kids: ‘Life Hitting You’

Anyone who has suffered loss understands that the small hours of the morning can be the worst time. “Life is, whew,” says Nicole Kidman. “It’s definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older how — it’s a wake-up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping kind of thing. If you’re in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I’m in it. Fully in it.”

The star, 57, lost her father, Antony, in 2014 and her mother, Janelle, this September, causing Nicole to skip the Venice Film Festival, where she won Best Actress honors for Babygirl. “It’s a hard road,” she said at the time. “I’m hanging in there. Everything is great with work, but I wish my mama was here.”

Even though Nicole realizes it’s a circle-of-life moment, it’s impossible to rationalize away grief. “Life coming and hitting you,” she says. “And loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human. I’m in all of those places.”

Nicole Kidman Steps Out With Daughters Sunday and Faith in New Photos

Nicole Kidman and the Circle of Life

Being there for her daughters, Sunday Rose, 16, and Faith Margaret, 13, whom she’s raising with husband Keith Urban, helps her keep focused. Nicole recalls when Faith saw her weeping over her father’s death and became confused.

“The little one was just so little that she didn’t know whether I was acting or not,” says Nicole. “She said, ‘Mummy acting now?’ And the older one was like, ‘No, mummy not acting now.’ But the older one was like, ‘You won’t be sad in the morning?’ Because they don’t want a house full of sadness. Who does?”

Putting one foot in front of the other for her daughters’ sake helped Nicole navigate her pain. “Before you know it, you’re pushing through,” she says. “And by pushing through for them, you’re getting better. Because it goes on. That natural line of how it’s meant to go. The parents, then you, then the children. That’s the natural course.”