Tom Hanks Is ‘Grateful That His Children Had Strong Mothers’: Rita Wilson ‘Did the Heavy Lifting at Home’

He tried to do things differently than his own parents did, but Tom Hanks admits, “I made every mistake. You know, you scar the kids somehow in the same exact way.”

At 68, this Oscar-winning father of four and grandfather of three can take a measured look at his family life. “Somewhere along the line, I figured out the only thing a parent can do is say, ‘I love you, there’s nothing you can do wrong, you cannot hurt my feelings, I hope you will forgive me on occasion, and what do you need me to do?’” he says. “You offer up that to them: ‘I will do anything I can possibly do in order to keep you safe.’ That’s it. Offer that up and then just love them.”

Tom became a dad at 21. He admits his own childhood didn’t give him great examples of what to do. After his parents’ divorce, Tom and his four siblings lived with his father, who worked long hours in a restaurant. “No one told me how to brush my teeth,” says Tom. “I never flossed until I was out of high school.”

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His older kids, Colin, 46, and Elizabeth, 42, were born when Tom was still trying to establish himself as an actor. “My other kids (sons Chet, 34, and Truman, 28) were born after I had established a beachhead in every way. And so their lives were just different,” he admits.

He gives thanks to Samantha Lewes, the mother of his older kids, and Rita Wilson, his current spouse, for picking up the slack when he was making movies. “Tom’s grateful that his children had strong mothers,” says a friend. “Rita did the heavy lifting at home, and Tom thinks he was more present as a parent because of her.”

Still, there were times when Tom wishes he had done things differently. He recalls when Truman was a boy of around 8 and Tom promised to play catch with his son one afternoon. “And it got away from me,” says Tom. “Something happened and I realized, ‘Oh, the sun’s going down now.’ And I said, ‘Oh my God. Oh my God. Hey, I’m sorry.’”

What Tom Hanks Loves About Being a Dad

One of the things Tom has loved most about fatherhood is watching his four children follow their own paths. “[They taught me] how different they all are,” he says. “They had the ability to pursue their own interests without being prodded, without being forced. I’ve learned from that. They have never said that they’re bored. They’ve always had some action thing that was going on, whether I understood their passion for it or not.”

While he’s supportive of all four, he and Colin, who is also an actor, have the most in common. “They are the most alike,” says the friend.

Tom also delights in his grandchildren. He has three granddaughters: Colin’s kids Olivia, 13, and Charlotte, 11, and Michaiah, 8, whose dad is Chet. “I get to do the thing of, ‘Come in and have a great time for a few hours, or maybe overnight on occasion’ … You have all the fun without any of the long nights,” he admits. Adds his friend: “Tom jokes that he’s a much better grandfather.”